"Must" & "Have To" Lead to Quitting

My last post clarified that a binge or mentally beating myself up just aren't compatible with a "life style change" or okay reality dictates that I say "diet". I'm still stuck on that word. So what's different this time, I didn't go for the "Huge Goal" on the first day. I can't drive from California to New York in one day, at least not safely.
Having the goal in my head that "I must lose 70 pounds" is partially true. The word "must" is the lie. I don't have to do anything. I can make a choice to do something, but "have to" "must" are just words that shut me down. Instead I learned that my journey to my North Star is about "bagging it" "bartering it" or "bettering it".
"It's in my best interest to lose 70 pounds" is more authentic and honest. That's one way of "BETTERING IT". This is not about a 50ish woman being able to wear a bikinni to the beach to play volleyball next summer. It really is about HEALTH AND WELLNESS! Just a simple reframe made a difference on how I view this "life style change".
In the past, my essential self, the part of me that usually shuts down would act out and sabatoge the attempt to shed a few pounds. I'm definitely acquinted with the "BAGGING IT". I bought a mix and made brownies to mail to one of my sons. By the time I mailed the Brownies, there were about a dozen left to mail. No, I didn't eat the brownies. I sampled the batter to ensure that it was up to par and would yield the taste dividend that I had in mind. I won't explain what happened to the missing brownies.....I do believe that most of those choosing to lose weight know exactly what happened.
Next Post: Reframing the "Have To" "Must" with the idea of "Bartering It".

Now for Plan B

The last post absolutely shows the way I've approached the process of dieting, since time began. I heard I weighed "6 to 7lbs." at birth, so at one time in my life there was no weight problem. So what happened? How did I manage to become one of the millions of obese people in America???

My mind was fully engaged in the process. A day was set aside for the traditional "last binge", as if I were living in exile in the wilderness for the next year. I even had a new diet to try that would surely be the one that would cure this problem forever. That's a huge "NOT" or "NICHT". When I heard that one was contemplating a new diet, I always interpreted that as eat all you can to get the cravings out of your system. My mind made all the calls in a "Top Down Management" style and my body was basically kicked right into diet boot camp.

I aborted one failed attempt at weight loss last summer when I rejoined Weight Watchers, AGAIN! After reading two chapters of "The Four Day Win", I felt that this was enough contemplation or pre-contemplation and I was ready to get my rear in gear to lose layers of insulation. Why did that attempt fail? Did I get confused about the points? Was the orientation and explanation poorly handled? I want to say, "Yes" to save face.

However, being the authentic person that I try to be, I must admit that I literally yanked my body into a WW meeting and let my inner dictator loose to scold me for letting my body get this way again. "All right," snarled that voice in my head,"here we go again. Look at yourself. Why can't you just get it right this time? " That was definitely a set up for failure.

What's different about this attempt?? It's as if I bought a new flashlight. As I read the book, instead of going home and trying another diet, I ate what I wanted and gave my body the time and freedom needed to "join up" and become part of the process. My " essential self" was beginning to come on the scene. I want a body without layers of insultation. However, my body needed the time to "buy into" the process. My "social self" is very well developed. I have a skilled inner "task master" or "dictator" that definitely wants to shame, scold, control and call all of the shots. Now my body is going after what it wants instead of my mind calling all of the shots. This seems like nothing earth shattering, but the difference it made is huge. This feels right and I'm not feeling deprived, shamed, or anything negative. I'm going for the same goal, but with a whole different mindset or going down the path with a much "brighter flashlight". Stay tuned.